Tag Archives: funny

The Name Game

20 Nov

Recently I found this on social media and I can honestly say I have never related to something more:

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I get at least five work emails a day that are addressed to someone with a name that is similar to mine but isn’t spelt quite the same. I fail to see how hard it is to copy my name from my email address and/or especially when I have orginally sent an email and signed it using the correct spelling of my name. After so many years, I am fairly sure that I know how to spell it, even if everyone else doesn’t care.

One of the hardest things about living in a non-English speaking country is that my name isn’t that common. I find myself in a constant Groundhog Day timewarp when I introduce myself to someone new. Conversations invariably go like this:

Me: Hi I’m Lyndsay

Them: Lesley?

Me: No – Lyndsay.

Them: Lizzy?

Me: No – Lyndsay.

Them: Chelsea?

Me (getting more irrate): No, you’re getting colder. It’s Lyndsay, like Lindsey Vonn (*famous American downhill skier who all the Swiss are in love with*).

Them: Oh. She’s my favourite skier. Can you ski as well as she can?

Me: Considering I’ve never been to the Olympics or been a World Champion, I’m going to have to go with a definite “no” on that one.

I’m not sure what I would do if it wasn’t for Lindsey Vonn. I’d probably end up changing my name just to make things easier.

I also have the misfortunate of having a very similar first and last name to a famous American actress, who I am sometimes confused with. Apparently, in the local paper my name was given as said actress in reference to a shooting competition that I took part in. I say “apparently” because I was too embarrassed to look at it.

Someone I met told me that she has a technique for remembering names: when you meet someone for the first time think of someone or something that has a similiar name. When she was about to tell me which actress she was thinking of when she shook my hand, I told her not to dare utter that name to me. Perhaps, slightly melodramatic but still…

I’m not saying that it isn’t nice to have a unusual name but people should at least make an attempt to spell it correctly. I can’t count the number of times an employer of mine has spelt my name wrong on official documents, such as contracts or bank cards. Think how embarrassing it is to have to contact HR and explain that you would love to accept their job offer but “Can you please spell my name right or I won’t sign the contract?”

I’ve also noticed that no one ever calls me by my nickname anymore; only people who knew me when I used to live in the UK. Okay, Lyndz isn’t much of a nickname but with Lyndsay being so hard to get right, I don’t have a chance of shortened form of my name.

All I’m saying is that it’s important to watch your p’s and q’s but if you’re writing to me make sure you watch your y’s and a’s as well.

Signs of Singapore

13 Nov

During my trip to Singapore, I found some extremely funny signs. This is a bit of an obsession for me. Some of the signs in Singapore seemed to have an underlying hint of sarcasm which I thought was great.

Can you guess what this sign was meant to be telling you?

It was actually the sign for the ladies toilets. The sign for the toilet was similar, except that the man had, what I can only describe as, a Mexican-style moustache. At first I had no idea what the sign was meant to be indicating. I think I make this pose when I am deliberately being shy and coy, like after receiving a compliment and feigning a false modest. Like, “Oh, you shouldn’t have said that. I feel all embarrassed now!” Do you see what I mean?

I saw this sign in a bar and all I could think was, yes, finally someone has had the courage to, not only say it, but to make it into a sign! For those of you who don’t know, PDA means Public Displays of Affection. 

I wish that they had had this sign in the restaurant where I ate the hot curry. The seats were on the floor around a coffee table sized table and there wasn’t a lot of space between the tables. Because they clearly wouldn’t be able to survive an hour long dinner without pawing at one another, they both sat on the same side of the table and he was virtually sat on top of me. All the kissing and cuddling almost made my stomach turn. It was a wonder I finished that curry in one piece. Seems like everything is not perfect in Paradise though because after about 10 minutes, he got his iPad out and they were playing word puzzle games for the remainder of the dinner.

This sign was in a Buddhist temple that I visited.

Surely if you do nod off in a temple and you get caught, the obvious excuse is that you weren’t sleeping but meditating and reached another level of consciousness. Seems reasonable, right?

Everyone loves a bargain. Here is one that you can’t possibly not snap up on the spot. It’s that incredible deal of buy 1cocktail and get 1. Surely too good to miss?

This sign is translated into several languages but I think the picture in the middle says it all and there is no reason for translation. Basically, it you enter someone is going to pull a large gun on you so it is probably a good idea not to enter. Maybe this is what is meant by actions speak louder than words.

I saw this in a bar in Arab Quarter. Every bar needs rules. I agree with almost all of these rules. Sexual discrimination has no place in today’s society and Spitting is a disgusting habit.

However, why can there be no flirting with the cashier? I bet they have a high turnover of staff. When I worked in bars the only thing that I had to look forward to was the occasion flirt with a customer. But maybe the staff turnover isn’t that high. The staff can also sleep in the toilet! Wow, what a perk that is! Forget the private health insurance and the extra holidays, what staff really want is to sleep in the toilet.

And finally, because I have seen this a few times on hotel phones and it never fails to make me laugh:

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In case of emergency, please phone Switzerland. Those guys are pretty good in a crisis and they will know what to do!