Getting things right

8 Feb

Why is it that no matter how old you get or how experienced you are, there are just somethings in life you never seem to get quite right? Practice as hard as you might, it never turns out quite right.

There are big things, like relationships, that people get wrong. Like saying the wrong thing at slightly the wrong time. We have all at some point opened our mouths to comment on something and immediately regretted it. As soon as the words tumble out of your mouth, you realise that you have miscalculated big time.

The classic is example is asking a woman when her baby is due. The nanosecond after you ask how long she has left for her pregnancy, you know she isn’t the slightest bit pregnant and she is just packing a few extra pounds and has missed the last few Weight Watchers meetings.

Or, loudly gossiping about someone, only to watch the eyes of your co-conspirator glaze over to give you the indication that the person is stood right behind you. There is categorically no way that they didn’t hear what defamatory comments you were making about them. You start to mumble and try to apologise but this just make things worse. It would be much less embarrassing to turn to the subject of your idle gossiping and explain that you were indeed talking to them behind their back and they weren’t meant to hear any of it.

There are also small things that seem largely irrelevant but even with practice you never seem to get them right. Things like being able to cook the right amount of rice spring to mind. I am sure that you can easily find a website on the Internet to tell you how much rice serves the amount of people you are cooking for but who has time for that? We are living in the 21st century.

Recently, I used a glass, smaller than a whiskey glass, to measure out rice for two people. Surely that can’t be too much? It turns out it was enough to fed the British army and probably some of the French army as well if they had been well-fed at breakfast time.


I am coming to the conclusion that the absorption of rice changes overtime, because the exact opposite has also happened to me. A table full of hungry dinners arrive and I am feeling quietly confident about the abundance of rice that I have simmering in the pot. That feeling is quickly replaced by a feeling of panic, terror and abject horror when I come to serve up the rice at the dinner table and everyone has 30 grains of rice each.

While saying the wrong thing and cooking life seems to be the bane of my life, I will just try to keep my mouth shut and keep away from rice based dishes. Life is easier that way.


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